A Very Special Wedding Speech
by Slytherin Cat
Summary: When Luna has to talk at Ron and Hermione's wedding, well let's just say that hilarity ensues. HP/LL HG/RW. Mostly canon.


This OS was written for the Actor Quote Based Competion (yeah, another one :p) for Luna this once. The quote was "I'm quite sure I used the phrase "vagina sword" in front of an audience of 300 people." I did my based to work with it and hope you will like it.

I'd like to thank Cookies-and-Ink who agreed to be my beta for this story and did a wonderful job.

And don't forget to leave a review :)

**A Very Special Wedding Speech**

Luna, in her bright pink maid of honor's dress, got up and tapped her spoon against a crystal glass to get everyone's attention. It took a few minutes, but in the end all the guests quieted down and watched the strange girl standing beside the newly married couple. Even if Ron and Hermione had been together for six years now, it had taken Ron a long time to finally get a ring and ask his girlfriend to become his wife, making at the same time Luna the winner of the bet which had been circulating among their friend group for years.

"So… Uhm, I guess it's my time to talk now. Since I have to do the speech you see. Firstly I'd like to thank all of you witches, wizards, non-wizards and witches but magical nonetheless, partly-magical creatures, and Muggles." By magical creatures she meant Firenze the centaur who had been invited personally by the groom because he had apparently saved everyone's life (something about a Unicorn and the Forbidden Forest) and Kreacher the House Elf who had helped organize everything. As the blonde haired girl said this she looked at her old teacher, Professor Flitwick who was trying to hide the few tears of joy he had, and at Rubeus Hagrid, the half-giant who was not as discreet when using his cloth-sized handkerchief and telling everyone around him how he had known from the beginning that 'these two would end up together'. The only Muggles present were Hermione's parents, who actually were her only family and looked both embarrassed and pleased to be mentioned.

She shifted and cleared her throat. "You know, I've known Ron since we both were babies. We were neighbors, you see. And even though I was always closer to Ginny, I know the Weasley quite well now. Saying that, I never would have thought I would be speaking at his wedding." She added the last part with a light smile, and some people laughed in the crowd.

"I met Hermione in the Hogwarts' Express and she thought I was crazy. I thought she was much too close-minded. Really, everyone knows that the Crumple-Horned Snorkack are real!" Once again some people laughed and the people who knew her smiled. The other looked lost.

"But with them, and others too, I found friends that year. We fought together, we lived together, we loved together, we bled together, and we all promised something to each other. As you well know, we went to the Department of Mysteries in our fifth year, the six of us: Hermione, Ron, Harry, Neville, Ginny and I. It was then we really realized what life was."

Her speech was serious, so serious that it shocked the people who only saw her as Loony Lovegood. Her real friends had already seen that side of her, just not often and even them were surprised to hear her speak of something so serious during such a happy event.

"It was our dear Hermione who came up with the idea of this promise. To this day, I still say that she was infected by the Wrackspurts. How else could she have had such an idea? You see each of us promised to do something for someone else if we survived the war."

Luna then added pensively. "Of course the war would have ended much faster if the Ministry had used their Heliopaths. Since they still refuse to admit they exist, I have to ask you to tell me of any information you might have. Together, we can show the world the truth!"

As Luna's speech became a bit too politically engaged, Hermione cleared her throat to bring her back on the important matters. Meaning the wedding.

"Apparently I was affected by the Nargles for a short moment and agreed to speak at Hermione's wedding. Neville promised to be Harry's best man at his wedding, Hermione not to bore everyone to death while speaking at Luna's, Ginny to help Neville find someone, Ron not to kill his sister's future husband when he met him and Harry to buy Ron what he would wear for his own wedding.

As you can see, we already thought about marriage at our age, which is why I blame the Nargles. And the Wrackspurts."

She stopped and drank some red wine, letting everyone soak up the information she had just given them whilst carefully ignoring the dark looks she received from the young married and continued.

"But that's not everything we did. As you well know, I married Harry Potter two years ago."

A "Oh no, what has he done this time?" came from Ron but he was quickly silenced by his new wife who glared angrily at him, though she was biting her lip, suddenly concerned.

"Though by now my lovely husband should know better, he made a bet with me the other night. He ought to know I always win those." She sent a smirk at her husband who was watching her with an expression of growing dread. It was true that he should have known she would do it from the very moment he dared her. Luna always had had an uncanny ability to say the unexpected in a very normal way and shameless at that.

"So here is it. Vagina sword. Yeah you heard me right, vagina sword. Harry, you can now pay up."

All around her, the assembly looked dumbstruck, most open-mouthed and blinking at her. Some were even rubbing their ears, wondering if what they had heard had actually happened. Harry was banging his head against the table, looking desperate, Ron and Hermione alternated between glaring at Harry in anger or at Luna hopelessly. Luna was looking quite proud of herself in the middle of all this, grinning widely.

After all, if worst came to it, she could always accuse the Nargles.

"No, what I actually will end this speech with is that Ron and Hermione are wonderful people and very nice friends. Look what she just let me get away with saying!" The blonde girl laughed.

A few hours later, once everyone had spoken their minds on this new union, Luna sighed happily in Harry's embrace as they swayed from side to side on the dance floor.

"I still can't believe I used the phrase 'vagina sword' in front of an audience of 300 people today," she giggled.

He smiled softly at her. "_I_ still can't believe you used that phrase. And I think there was a bit more than 300 people in the assembly."

"Well it was your fault in the first place. Really, where did those words came from?"

"It's a long story…"

"We've got all the time in the world you know."

"If you insist. It began like this… I was talking with Ron and…"


End file.
